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| Sweater: Old Navy // Jeggings: JCPenney // Boots: Target // Necklace: Knotieties |
Do you ever just feel stuck in life? That's how I've been feeling lately. Cody and I have all these huge dreams we want to accomplish and sometimes it feels like they will never be achieved, either because of ourselves holding us back or because of the hand life dealt us both.
I'm a big believer in dealing with whatever life dealt you. The face it, everyone has hard times, but sometimes, I just need to take a day and wallow in it.
Some of you probably know this, but Cody and I live with his grandmother in a tiny house out in the country. There are plenty of reasons for this. One of them is that she didn't want us to struggle through school trying to pay rent and bills so she offered for us to stay here rent free. We're very lucky to have her, even though the situation is less than ideal.
The other is that she has breast cancer that is pretty advanced. Like I said, this house is in the country and if we were to live somewhere else, it would be in the city. We didn't want to leave her all alone.
It gets hard though. As a newlywed, of course I want my own house. My own space to decorate, organize my kitchen, do laundry the way I want to, wash dishes in a dishwasher even if it does waste water/electricity.
There's a lot to be said for all of that and the other day, I was ready to scream. In fact, I did get pretty upset and told Cody some things I didn't mean, all out of frustration.
I went shopping and after I came home, everyone was talking about ordering pizza and I looked at Cody and his grandmother standing next to each other. She's raised him his whole life and on a permanent basis from the time he was seven and even if she does beat the cancer, it is taking its toll on her and I'm not sure how much longer she'll be here.
As I stared at them talking about who would order the pizza, I realized that years from now, these are the days that Cody will look back on. He will always remember not only his childhood with her, but the years she helped him through college too and these years will always mean a lot to him.
Where else would we be? Thirty minutes away, wrapped up in our own lives. Sure, we may visit every now and then but we would miss so many memories and opportunities to spend time with her. When Cody is at drill, there are days that she and I will sit and talk for hours. If we lived somewhere else, those days would never happen.
So, even though it's hard and there are so many things I want to happen right now sometimes it's just better to be patient and cherish the moments you've got with the people that mean the most, even if you are in cramped living conditions.
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11 comments:
Very touching post. We all have days we feel like we can't handle everything we have to. I flipped out yesterday on my husband because of this. Sometimes I just need a break and never having a babysitter to even help us to watch our baby is really hard.
Love your boots! I really struggle with being patient. We just live in a world where we are so used to instant gratification, makes it very hard when we have to actually wait for something.
I struggle with being patient all the time. There are so many things I wish I had control of but don't. Things always turn out the way they are supposed to. :)
I know how hard it is to deal with having that "extra person" involved in your day to day relationship. Financial difficulties while my mom was dealing with cancer caused my husband and I to live with a roommate far longer than we intended. We are finally at a place now where we can afford to buy our own home and live independently, but being patient during that process is so hard.
I am sure Cody appreciates your cooperation and patience more than he can tell you, and I am also sure that this means the world to his grandmother. You are a great person for dealing with all that you are - and best of luck with handling it the best you can.
Aw this is a very special. I understand what you mean about needing those days to wallow sometimes. I like to deal with what I'm dealt but somedays I just think "why me". It is hard to see the blessings sometimes but they are there. Treasure this time :)
Thank you for this touching reminder that every less-than-ideal time passes eventually!
Thats really neat! I didnt know that about you guys. I think its great that you guys live with her. It helps you out financially, but even better she isn't lonely and you get to spend time with her while shes going through some trials. :)
What a great post. I can relate to this as there are things that right now I wish was different or that I was at a different stage. Your post reminded me that despite those things there is always joy and memories to be made in everyday. :)
Cherish those moments... but its ok to be frustrated sometimes as well! :)
Hello Paige, this is my first time to stumble upon your blog and I have to say that your entry is truly touching.
It's alright to be frustrated but don't worry, I'm sure, in time, all of your dreams will come true.
For now, cherish these moments. :) These moments will not only be memorable but they will help you become a better person, they will also, in a way, shape you make your dreams in a reality. :)
xoxo,
Kisty of The Style Mermaid
http://kisty.net
This is all so so true. Leo and I have been struggling with where we are and where we think we should be right now. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that our situation is not like anyone else's, so to compare how our life is going with another person's life just doesn't make sense.
You are 100% correct in that these are the days that will be the most memorable. Not only with Cody's grandma, but with the two of you. It may be hard having to be patient and struggling with some things, but you'll be able to look back and be incredibly impressed with where you started, the lessons you learned, and how far you've gotten.
Sending love to you!
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